Thursday, December 10, 2015
I just find it hard to open up and discuss my thoughts regarding this with people whom I know, I can trust. There is so many different views regarding this, though I merely gave a slight hint.
I admit, this story is way long ago but sometimes I just need someone to listen to this without judging anybody in this.
Yes, it has been 5 or 7 years back then when it all ended. Not everybody knows the whole story, people just assume they do. People says time will heal the wound, it does not heal... we just learnt to live with it, we ignored it, we pretend that were alright. I struggled my way through, to throw away the memories I avoid big group hangout. I dislike my favourite drink.I skipped my favourite songs. I detour my usual walking route. I turn deaf ear to your name. I keep myself busy with work and school, so that this mind does not wanders about you.
When I finally able to accept that I okay with all this, when I am able to smile as I remember our memories, not because how much I missed you but how much I missed myself back then. I was so happy and simple, now I am wary of everyone. I am not blaming you, I am blaming myself. There are many times, where I want to ring you just to clarify things with you but then I think back, I should just keep it to myself.
Seeing how happy, successful you are right now, I am sure you would not want to be bothered with my ridiculous small thoughts. I keep telling myself that I am ready to clarify things with you, but in actual fact I am afraid. I am afraid of the answer. You used to say, I was emotional... easily broken, ever since you left I had not cried.Yes, I was broken but I did not cry because I do not know if I had the right to cry over this.
As much as I want to know, I do not want to get hurt. If only, I am brave enough to ask you.
Some people believe that it is important to have a closure to everything.
Some people says there will never be a closure to somethings
"Whatever we had back then, was it just one sided"
"Was there a time that you loved me?"
The reason why I wanted to know this is that, at least I knew back then when I loved you, I was loved at some moment too. What we had was real for a moment, though we were not official.
Maybe, these questions will never come to you and I will never get to know the answers.
Whatever it is, I pray to Allah for your safety, health and career because I know you have a lot that you want to achieve.
6:27 PM
Hello Julaiha,
It's me... first of all, 2015 is coming to an end. Fast isn't it?
hmm, just wanna say I am proud of you that you had gotten this far in life.
Though you might not have achieve what you wished for in 2015, I am sure somewhere or somehow you have achieve something. It could be a small one, though.
I just wanna say, thank you for being strong throughout the year.
You have survived the year despite the dramas and emotional struggles.
Look on the bright side, you was able to clearly identify who will be there for you when you am struggling.
Also, though the busy part of your career has just started, believe me you are doing alright.
Just keep up the good work.
Love,
Julaiha
5:28 PM
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
In 2013,
I had made big decision in my life, which was important to me. I had flipped to another page, simple because I realized that we were never on the same page.
For you whom may be wondering, i'm referring to is my friendship with some people.
I realized that we were never at the same page. Also, we stopped making effort to make things work for us. So i guess it is a closure for us.
In addition, I realized there were people who would only come and find me, when in need. Thank you for making me realize that this early.
For 2014,
My resolution would be becoming a healthier and happier me!
Dear self,
Please stop allowing others to bring you down. They do not deserve it! If they choose to walk away, let them be because those who matters will stay.
Also, let's work out to our goal of back in shape!
Nevertheless, always remember that no matter what happens things will go it ways. It is just a matter of time. Have faith in Allah.
Sincerely,
Siti Julaiha :)
10:42 PM
Sunday, September 29, 2013
The moment I start to doubt my own friendship is simply because you successfully made me to.
I have always believed a true friendship should never be doubted even for a seconds.
11:13 PM
Friday, May 3, 2013
People who proclaims to always be there for you, surprisingly take their leave out from you. just a matter of time.
We met as strangers. We became friends. We drifts apart. We became strangers with memories.
Nobody stays in your life forever.
okay, let's go straight to the point.
"Go and get a life!" seriously that is the last thing I would like to hear from someone whom I sees as a close friend.
People says everybody change due to circumstances. I can totally agrees to that, however, for you to give such a comment is just overboard.
okay, maybe because our friendship had already reached to the point that we are so comfortable with each other and to the extent that we did not realize that sometimes our comment - that we thought are casual actually affects the other party deeply.
on the other hand, I could have read too much into it but to hear that is just hurtful.
hmm, right now after receiving that comment from you... it struck to me. I realize my standing.
maybe, what you said it true... it's time to go and get a life - away from that circle of friends.
since I had already made up my resolution for 2013 is to just keep hold of those who matters and let go of who does not. thanks to you, for making me come to the point. knocking senses into me.
I know, I could have made the wrong move right now but let just time leads everything because personally I do not know who you are, anymore.
1:35 AM
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
When you remember all those memories, it can either trigger laughter or sadness.
Your past is always a lesson learnt that define the current you.
It may have help you someway, somehow.
7:11 PM
Monday, October 8, 2012
I'm here, struggling with my entangled emotions.
Dear Heart, sorry for putting you in this situation. We will pull through this, okay.
I know things will get better, time will heal.
12:15 AM
