Friday, October 14, 2011
Hmm... When I'm questioned why am I still a single girl? Instantly, it hurt me a lot. I do get this question a lot and I always dread answering them.
Plus, I hate when people come to conclusion that I'm a high maintenance girl, I'm a picky girl.
I'm not that sort of girl, there is just something that I have been keeping all quiet about.
To tell you the truth, I'm not picky nor a high maintenance girl. I'm just a simple girl, that next door girl. If you still wonder why am I still all single up till now.
Simple... I, Julaiha feel herself not worthy to be loved in any way or another. I feel that I'm not pretty or amazing for any guy to fall head over heels with. I don't feel as though I'm special in any way. I have always believe that no guy would fall or like me, love me. That's the reason why I'm still single up till now.
Also, what happened in the past do make me realize that I'm not worthy for anyone.
If I'm worthy, he would have made our relationship public and known. By this, it truly shows that I'm not worthy for a guy to love me the way I am.
All I want is for a guy to understand this.
Don't keep saying that I'm a high maintenance girl or picky girl.
All I need is that one guy, to point up to his friends "that's her, my girlfriend"
It's the simple wish yet the hardest to attain.
11:58 PM
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I'm fighting with myself against the urge to think of you. Each time, the thought of you appear in my mind... I would always remind myself how I was not even in your mind on my special day.
Yes, I'm struggling... At least, I'm trying.
4:16 AM
Monday, October 10, 2011
if only you could understand my feelings,
if only you could go through my days
i wonder how would you react and survive through my days.
what decision would you make, when you knew that you had a chance.
would you blew it away or take a risk?
whatever it is, all of these are just "what if"
You're my biggest, What If
1:10 AM
Sunday, October 9, 2011
i'm seriously tired.
tired of waiting.
tired of hoping.
tired of disappointment.
i really wish all this could end.
it's hard to walk away, when you still have the urge to stay.
it's hard when you know walking away is the right thing to do, but you just can't seem to make a step.
life would be simpler, if i had the courage to tell you everything.
life would be simpler, if you could read my mind.
well, there are just some stuff that would never turn out to be how we imagined it would be.
sometimes, it is already been fated that the outcome would be like this.
"if two people are meant to be together, they will find their own way"
for now, i got to take a deep breathe and walk away.
it is the part and parcel of life.
3:12 AM
Friday, October 7, 2011
Simple verb to conclude my day; Sucky !
Pretty much hate what i'm feeling right now.
I guess, the word of people don't truly care is rather true
than people who keep promising that they gonna be there for you.
12:00 AM
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Time do flies and never waits for anyone. Up here is the picture, of my lovely ladies. They are shoulder to cry on.
They are my listening ear. They are my laughing machine. I'm glad that I met them during my high school days.
Our friendship is about 8 years now and i hope it will keep counting.
For now, Wani and Zara is busy with their career while Bahirah and I are busy with our studies.
I'm happy that we're still able to squeeze some quality time within our hectic schedule.
I wonder how are we gonna squeeze some quality time, when all four of us are busy with our career in years to come.
Still, when we are all busy with our own partners and family.
I hope we could still hold on to this beautiful friendship.
Love this friendship so much and I gonna treasure this friendship a lot.
#SmallGirl: Hazwani Bte Abd Mois
#LaughingMachine: Zahirah Bte Omar
#HardworkingGirl: Bahirah Bte Bahar
6:52 PM
Monday, October 3, 2011
When you're at your lowest moment, you will realize who you're true friends are. With many things happening in my life, at the same time, yesterday was really my lowest moment. I was badly affected by a news, it was a reality check. I was so affected yet I could not show it as I do not want my parents to know about this.
Yesterday, I was glad Wani was there to listen and provides me with suggestions, through whatsapp. It was the first time that I cried, while trying to explain my situation. It was really a cry my heart out.
Yesterday, I cried myself to sleep and woke up to a terrible headache.
Then, I had to follow mum out. In the bus, long ride with heavy heart and a lot of things in mind. I recall my conversation with Wani, I realize that I would never be that kind of girl that #highschoolcrush want. I cannot be that girl and I do not want to be that kind of girl. I had done enough from my part, that's why it should really stop.
I got to move on, as it is for the better.
Also, after sharing this issue with kak shikin I felt better when she told me "it's okay to cry your heart out, rather than to bottle it all up"
To my close friends; wani, bahirah, zahirah and not forgetting azie thank you for always being there to be my listening ears. I would really try my best to move on, trust me. I really do need your understanding in this.
Ya Allah, kalau ini ujian yang kau berikan insyaallah akan aku mengatasinya .
Heavyheart, please go away.
I'm emotionally tired and psychologically affected but I know I gonna pull it through.
3:39 AM
