Thursday, December 10, 2015
I just find it hard to open up and discuss my thoughts regarding this with people whom I know, I can trust. There is so many different views regarding this, though I merely gave a slight hint.
I admit, this story is way long ago but sometimes I just need someone to listen to this without judging anybody in this.
Yes, it has been 5 or 7 years back then when it all ended. Not everybody knows the whole story, people just assume they do. People says time will heal the wound, it does not heal... we just learnt to live with it, we ignored it, we pretend that were alright. I struggled my way through, to throw away the memories I avoid big group hangout. I dislike my favourite drink.I skipped my favourite songs. I detour my usual walking route. I turn deaf ear to your name. I keep myself busy with work and school, so that this mind does not wanders about you.
When I finally able to accept that I okay with all this, when I am able to smile as I remember our memories, not because how much I missed you but how much I missed myself back then. I was so happy and simple, now I am wary of everyone. I am not blaming you, I am blaming myself. There are many times, where I want to ring you just to clarify things with you but then I think back, I should just keep it to myself.
Seeing how happy, successful you are right now, I am sure you would not want to be bothered with my ridiculous small thoughts. I keep telling myself that I am ready to clarify things with you, but in actual fact I am afraid. I am afraid of the answer. You used to say, I was emotional... easily broken, ever since you left I had not cried.Yes, I was broken but I did not cry because I do not know if I had the right to cry over this.
As much as I want to know, I do not want to get hurt. If only, I am brave enough to ask you.
Some people believe that it is important to have a closure to everything.
Some people says there will never be a closure to somethings
"Whatever we had back then, was it just one sided"
"Was there a time that you loved me?"
The reason why I wanted to know this is that, at least I knew back then when I loved you, I was loved at some moment too. What we had was real for a moment, though we were not official.
Maybe, these questions will never come to you and I will never get to know the answers.
Whatever it is, I pray to Allah for your safety, health and career because I know you have a lot that you want to achieve.
6:27 PM
Hello Julaiha,
It's me... first of all, 2015 is coming to an end. Fast isn't it?
hmm, just wanna say I am proud of you that you had gotten this far in life.
Though you might not have achieve what you wished for in 2015, I am sure somewhere or somehow you have achieve something. It could be a small one, though.
I just wanna say, thank you for being strong throughout the year.
You have survived the year despite the dramas and emotional struggles.
Look on the bright side, you was able to clearly identify who will be there for you when you am struggling.
Also, though the busy part of your career has just started, believe me you are doing alright.
Just keep up the good work.
Love,
Julaiha
5:28 PM
